Mystic
I gaze into the middle distance and tell you things you already suspected. The mystery is included in the price.
Est. somewhere between two eclipses
Professor
Seth
Curses lifted. Lovers returned. Landlords haunted on request. Nine disciplines, one gentleman, no refunds.
Tap the card to turn it — as one does
The Practice
Nine Arts, One Practitioner
Each discipline studied for years, or at least over one very long weekend.
Spellcaster
Love, luck, parking bays. Results typically manifest within three business days or one full moon, whichever sulks last.
Scholar
I have read the forbidden texts, the permitted texts, and the terms and conditions. Only one of those truly frightened me.
Relationship Counsellor
He will return. She will return. They will return. Usually because I have their charger.
Alchemist
Lead into gold, leftovers into dinner, red flags into a personality. Transmutation is mostly confidence.
Supernatural Expert
Certified in things that go bump, creak, and inexplicably move the remote. Consultations held strictly after dark.
PMS Therapist
I arrive with chocolate, a hot water bottle, and the profound wisdom to say absolutely nothing.
Paranormal Expert
Cold spots diagnosed, orbs identified, and your uncle's conspiracy theories politely debunked over tea.
Exorcist
Demons, poltergeists and that one group chat. Bring holy water; I supply the stern voice and the paperwork.
Free Sample
Consult the Oracle
One question per lifetime. The Oracle does not check.
The mist has not yet parted…
Offerings
Rates & Rituals
Payment accepted in cash, cattle, or a favour to be named later.
By Favour Only
The Whim
R0
- Granted only if he likes you
- Cannot be requested or negotiated
- The full reading, entirely sincere
- Availability: whenever the mood takes him
The Whisper
R99
- One vague but comforting prophecy
- Palm read, lightly
- Minor curse deflection
- Free sachet of dubious salt
Most Summoned
The Reckoning
R499
- Full spiritual audit of your household
- One ex returned, terms apply
- Ghost eviction, up to two ghosts
- Alchemy demonstration with real smoke
- Certificate suitable for framing
The Abyss
R1 999
- Everything above, twice
- Named heir to a minor prophecy
- Personal demon, house-trained
- My number saved under "Do Not Answer"
Word of Mouth
Testimony of the Cured
Names withheld, souls intact.
My house was haunted for eleven years. Professor Seth arrived, stared at the wall, and said "not anymore." It was in fact still haunted, but I felt so much better about it.
He said my ex would come back on a Tuesday. He came back on a Thursday. I consider that a 70% accuracy rate and frankly the best money I have ever spent.
I asked for gold. He gave me perspective. I am suing, but with enormous respect.
The Summoning
Call Upon Me
Three candles and a whispered name will do it, but the telephone is considerably faster.
- +27 62 615 4043
- sethrosnethal@gmail.com
- www.seth-mystic.site
Consulting hours: dusk until the roosters complain.